Requiem of a Phantomhive Servant
by Disneyholica24
Summary: "...Remember the time when we just got here? Back then we couldn't do anything but kill."
1. War torn Warrior

Sometimes I feel like my memory is fading as my age continues to grow but there are some things a man just never forgets. I'll never forget my first time with a woman- Harriet Foster was her name. I'll never forget the time I went with fishing with my pop before he passed on, rest his soul, boy we caught the biggest bass that side of the county line! I'll never forget when I first went to school and met my two best mates Paul Scottsworth and Jasper Dunning. Then there was the day it all started the day I got the call to fight for freedom in the war that raged the country. Of course I was more than ready to serve my country and to leave my life behind in favor of one on the front lines behind a blazing line of fire. It almost seemed my calling to explode, destroy, and shoot things. It felt natural and I was well versed in tactical maneuvering. Some people suggested that I should be the leader but I firmly believed that we had a strong one at the time. Then General Andrews was severally wounded and replaced by someone who was….let's say a little too big for his britches and arrogant too. Any advice given to him even if it was obvious and well known logic he would ignore but I had the highest of respect for him anyways because of what he did. Not a day goes by now a days where I don't live with regret and wish that he wasn't so thick and did listen to me. I wouldn't have lost so many of the people who I've come to call my friends.

It was a blood bath, I can recall that much, and the sound of screams mixed with the rattling noise of gunfire. Then the empty silence and loneliness. Just me and my fallen comrades in a ditch with my thoughts leading to cowardly things like how to kill myself so that I could join them. All I could do was hold Jasper in my arms and curse the heavenly father for all that had been dealt me. It felt like this was my fault…somehow yet all I could hear now was the broken record I told you I told you I told you I bloody told you. It wasn't meant to be this way…I wasn't meant to sit here in the boiling sun waiting for death to take me and the birds to pick out my eyes. If I was to die it would be the same as they did. Why did I live? I shouldn't live. I know for sure I cried. Hard. What would I do now? Just wait or…shoot my damned head off? Then he came. He was a tall son of a bitch dressed in all black even his hair was black and his eyes had this weird shine to them like the glisten off of a bullet. The way he smiled was unsettling as if he meant harm but was convincing me otherwise. He offered me a way out, he offered me happiness, he offered me a job. A job as a chef for his young master. At the time he could have offered me any fuckin' thing and I would have blindly taken it. I just wanted to get away from all this. Everything that followed was a blur. It became second nature putting a cigarette, a thing I never smoked in my life beforehand, to my lips.

Then I became a shell, a void, a piece of clay for this strange strict man to mold. The house he served in was the most massive house I've ever seen in my entire life and the master he served was the smallest I've seen too. Young master…yeah no shit. He was about twelve and a half at most with an eyepatch and sad blue eyes. He had no parents. I could relate. I had lived with my aunt and uncle for the longest time but eventually I moved to become a man who could provide for himself and for the most part I never talked to much of my family ever again. Of course I've never seen too many mansions or masters in America we don't really have too much of that sort of thing at least not in my parts. I was a country boy not a city boy but I had to adapt. There were other servants, few but they existed. A bald boy with a deadpan face unsure of himself and a pretty young maid with fiery red hair and eyes that could pierce steel. We had all been dragged through hell and back and damned did we look it too. The boy was experimented on which was sick as fuck to me and the girl was some sort of ex assassin who was forced to kill people she didn't want to. Then there was the elder butler who could be serious sometimes and other times seemed just off….however he was nice enough. That guy, that butler in black with his sly smile that made women swoon quickly, took us under his wing and poured his all into us even though we were imbeciles at what he planned for us to do.

He outshone us in every field tenfold. The man was a superhero I swear! He could fly or at least it seemed so and he could zoom across the floor at speeds that I didn't understand. He was magical and I was in awe of him. He never gave up on us and through him we became better people though we never became better at our jobs. Slowly we all opened up. The boy, Finni, his hair grew so much he had to clip it back. I had always thought he was a brunette but he was a blonde. He had quite the mop of hair and he was a plucky thin thing. As thin as he was he could lift just about anything including entire statues made of marble. He could high five your hand off and hug you so tight your lungs deflate but thankfully he's a little more careful with good people. I saw him go from a recluse to a cheerful pup who wanted to play outside and become something better. The pretty maids hair grew as well, red as fresh blood, and those glasses did something really funny to her voice. All the sudden she sounded strange and comical and she got very clumsy and shy. Her nasally voice and ability to trip over her own toes ended up resulting in me laughing for the first time since god knows when. I nearly went to tears over her falling and breaking the plates for the first time. How could one woman be such a klutz but at the same time when those specs came off she turned into a stealthy killer? From then on I learned to speak more instead of being so silent and to myself as we all were and I learned how to smile again. One day I just looked around and saw these people and realized….I had my comrades back again. We were a ragtag team of misfits bound to protect this young boy from people who wanted to kill him. I had new friends…new people to fight with….new people to protect and every night I awoke screaming remembering that day…that horrible day….there close next to me is the golden haired boy with his bright cheery smile who tells me it will all be alright and the maid often says real sweet comforting things too. We all comfort each other. We are all there for each other. They weren't just my makeshift soldiers with me as some sort of leader…no…they were much more. They were my family and I will make dammed sure I don't lose these ones too.


	2. From broken bones to broken plates

**I don't even remember my mother and father, if I had one. Whoever I was and whatever I meant to anyone was entirely erased from my head. It must have been when I was ten or younger when I was taken because I hadn't even hit puberty yet. Whatever my life was is nothing but a watery haze of floating images that don't connect to make any sort of sense and all the memories I do have are the ones that came after I was taken from my home. I'm certain I blubbered for the warm embrace of whoever took care of me but that was taken care of immediately with brutality. I was beaten until bloody and my past was washed away with every bludgeon to my head until I couldn't even recall my own name anymore. Devoid of any past or person to rely on I was taken in by these cruel eyed people who trained me in the art of assassination. I was to kill and was meant for no other purpose. No emotions passed through my body as I went through my intense training only to strike down whomever stood in my way with stealth and swift ease. Immediately I took to the guns as if they were my bottle and drank deeply from the life it held. I had power unlike any other. A power which rested in the glowing honey of my eyes and extended out to my weathered hands. Which each moment that my small fingers pressed against the trigger there sent forth a burst of energy that was like an eagle's cry and the bullet went flying straight into the center of the target with ease and impeccable accuracy. I never missed a single shot. Even with the smoke gathering around my feet of a bomb I could see past it and lay waste to all the enemies before me.**

 **My potential was not overlooked. I was thrust into a room with a hefty sized man with a large bottom lip that sneered and bushy eyebrows who beckoned me closer. He grabbed the sides of my chin, his chipped fingernails digging into my cheeks but I did not flinch in pain and I looked him straight in the eyes right into his soul without any sign of fear, remorse, regret, disdain, hatred, or respect. Just this empty regard for whatever he had planned for me. He looked upon the people that had brought me and regarded them as harshly as he did to me.**

" **Is this the best that you've got to offer me? Some scrawny little skelp who hasn't even grown into her body yet? Really I'm disgusted by the very idea that you would send this child my way! You have lost your minds if you think-"**

" **Sir here us out. We know you do not usually take them so young but this one has proved to be rather…unique in her abilities. She can reload faster than one can blink and her marksmanship is top quality- incomparable to anything we've seen. Her eyes, well just look at them, have you ever seen such eyes that stare endlessly into the void like so? Her pupils are also of significant size. Watch her, sir, and you will see them shift and change. She's like a real hunter of the wild with eyes made for concentrating on even the flitter of a hummingbirds wings. We would be foolish not to give her over to you!"**

 **The man in his mighty chair with his grip like a viper looked at me once more from where he had thrown me on the floor and barked at me to look at him again and this time he focused on my eyes a little bit more than he had previously and this time I looked back at him more directly trying to push my very essence and cold nature towards him just through the quick twitch of my eyelids. He turned away for a minute, seemingly unfazed by my prying gaze which remained affixed on him with extreme concentration. His hands reached for a pistol and threw it at me. The cold metal object would landed hard in my lap causing a bruise to start growing on upper thigh but I caught it in my hand without as much as a blink or a breath.**

" **Quick reflexes. Now I want you to shoot the cigar out of my mouth," He commanded and as soon as the sentence was over the cigar came tumbling out from his lips and onto the floor in a flash of fire and a flurry of movement. I had no pride, no cocky conceitedness, and no joy at that moment. I was hired immediately and joined the ranks of people much older than me who were masters of their craft. Of course they all looked upon me as this tiny twerp who didn't deserve to be here and didn't crawl her way through laborious tasks and hardship to get at the point they were. However I proved quickly that I was more than capable of handling my own and did a practice run where I demolished an entire flock of sheep in a few seconds flat. From there came actual humans but small tasks such as taking out petty thefts and minor nuisances but I was accompanied by a fellow assassin or two. I needed not of them. I needed no one. I was a deadly hunter stalking her prey alone in the night howling at the moon like a lone wolf and creeping about unfeelingly with bloodied paws. I yearned to kill. I lusted for thrill. Nothing brought any emotion to me save for dispensing of these lives which meant nothing to me. Then that desire faded and it became monotonous, dull, and meaningless; a mere task done with a blindfold on as it was just the same every day as it was before with only a ghosting feeling of excitement with every head blow and recoiling shot. I was a thirteen years old by the time I was given my new name. MeyRin.**

 **Mey meant budding for I had grown into my body well now and for my age I looked mature with well-developed breasts and wide hips. Rin meant cold and suited me well. A cold distant shell just like the ones in my sniper rifles. I went through life as the main person my boss called on to execute those who did him harm and I was given money for it but spent it on nothing. When I wasn't busy I would stay in my quarters and watch the birds go by the window until I was called again. Everyday just like the one that followed behind it. When I was sixteen I had my only purity taken from me and it felt like nothing. I felt nothing. Just another task I must do. I had slain many who I never cared to know, women and men alike. Humans were nothing more than moving targets. I kept my hair short as to not obstruct my vision and continued on with my life. Slowly but surely I became the youngest assassin in the known world. Then when I was twenty two I was given a big mission to take down the head of a corporation who had wronged the boss. It was my first big mission and would lead into more serious big time things for me like this for I had only been dealing with small shrimp and little leeches. Now was my time. I had no goals or motives outside of what I was meant to do. This was my solo mission. Only me and my beauties, the pistols that were my only company that I could rely on, the only company I needed. There he was the man I needed to take down. I loaded up and set my sights on him. Then…**

" **Father you're back!"**

" **Father did you bring us any treats this time?"**

 **I halted, my hands shaking and my finger so close to the trigger that one slip and I could have pressed it. What was wrong with me? Shoot! Come on SHOOT! Kill him now. Kill him. What's the hold up?! I tried I really tried. I sucked in air and swallowed but I couldn't do it. For once in my life I felt something….remorse. This pain squeezed my chest. I had a father once. I had a family once. I could have even had brothers once. If I killed him now…those beautiful little boys who had done no wrong…they would be left without a father too just like me. They would see his dead body…what would that do to them? Could I….Could I live with that blood on my hands? I had gone through years and years of hollowness without caring about the people I've killed without realizing what I was doing because it was all I knew how to do. Now I had another feeling…regret. They could have been innocent people. What if they were innocent people? What have I done? What kind of monster am I? Suddenly warm water creeped down my face. What was this? Tears? Before I could analyze the situation I was being manhandled by someone who smelled like tea leaves and earth with a hint of vanilla. His voice was somewhat deep, had a slight British accent, and had this seductive tone that rolled at the R's. He sounded like one of the upper crust to me. I didn't care what he was or who he was I fought him with all my might but without my snipes I couldn't do much harm at least not to him. He was much stronger than I had thought and was very rough with me which seemed unfitting to his assumed position in society. I was dragged into a grand glorious home with all sorts of fancy Knick knacks and toys for the rich stuffy kind that I usually took care of. My body and face was pushed onto the ground in front of a wooden desk in a room much larger than any I had seen.**

" **Oh I see you've brought another mismanaged vagabond. A woman this time." This came from a young boy dressed all fine in shades of blue with his hand on a gold topped cane. He had an eyepatch and a soft voice that breathed the same cold air mine did.**

" **Yes. Spry thing with a lot of fight in her. I've been watching her for a while, young lord. Her sniper skills are unmatched-"**

 **I had tuned him out in favor of focusing on the movement of the boy in front of me. He was the master? Then what was the man? His servant of some sort? Did that make this boy nobility? He carried with him the air of someone with a lot of responsibility. He was unlike many children I had seen for he lacked innocence. He and I seemed made of the same mold in some sense but also vastly different. His name was Ciel Phantomhive and he was my new employer. I was to guard his life but also be his maid. I would live freely and without much worry. I had a new life…a new start. It wasn't easy at first…I wanted to shut myself in and become the person I was before all this but with the mentoring of the handsome butler named Sebastian Michealis and the encouragement I felt….I soon became something I never knew I was. I was bubbly and energetic. I was alive. I had made friends too two very sweet guys named Baldroy and Finnian both with scarred pasts like mine and both cared about me and I for them. My master, our master, who was so like me, I came to love more than anything and was duty bound to protect. My heart opened up and I could be myself truly. I love my job, I love my life, I love my friends, I love Sebastian, I love Tanaka, I love Ciel, I love everything. I will trip and stumble but I will always be there for my master and try to pay him back for the happiness he has given me but I'm not sure I can…or if he knows just what he's done for all of us. My past is gone and now I have a bright future…these wonderful people…they have finally given me much more than a job or home they have given me something to live for.**


	3. The special boy

It was all white in the beginning as far as I can remember. White as an egg, it was. I know I asked myself lots of questions like who was I? Where was I? Who are you? Who are they? I don't remember anything before this white place with its shiny objects I couldn't name and swinging lights. Was this my home? I was kind of wet and not dressed and there were men and women in white coats with rubber gloves were running around mumbling words I didn't understand and looking at everything like they were scanning it. I didn't have any hair and I didn't speak because I didn't know how…I wasn't sure if I even could speak. There were others who were about my size so I figured they were about my age. One of those people in their funny white coats looked me over, tilted my head back and stared at my neck, then wrote something down very quickly mumbling to herself. She tapped my lips with a small piece wood and asked me to open. That weird wooden stick prodded about my mouth and under my tongue which left this weird taste in my mouth. Lots of other tools were put on me and around me. Cold metal things and sharp things poked into my skin. After it was all done I met with a man who wore specs on his face and seemed to smile kindly at me.

"Hello number 12, I am Doctor Clerval, and you are a very special boy. Can you lift that chair over there for me?"

I didn't understand him very much but with some help I understood what he meant. I picked up the chair and held it high over my head. He smiled at me and even clapped calling it wonderful. I picked up many other things each one bigger than the last but felt like nothing in my hands. Much more praise was given to me and I felt I had done something good. I had made the nice man happy. It was a warm feeling. The good doctor let me play with toys and other people who had no hair like I did and numbers for names. We played on the slide and did puzzles while behind a funny kind of mirror we were watched by the coat covered people who seemed so interested in us. I was taught how to paint using my fingers and was commended for my artwork. I was taught how to speak as well and said many things. Circle, that was my first word. I learned numbers but never learned to read. The doctor always gave me pets on the head and fed me chocolate pudding. I was also given pills and sharp pokes with a needle which I didn't like but the dear doctor was always there to put a Band-Aid on it and kiss my ouchies. I was his favorite, that's what he said. So as his favorite I tried to shine in whatever task I was given. If I was asked to lift a cement block I would do so, if I was asked to punch through brick walls I would do so, and if I was asked to swing around columns of marble I would do so. I knew I was strong, much stronger than he was, than any of them were. I had also figured that I was stronger than most, even more strong than the others. I had friends and for a while I was happy but I wanted to go outside. I could hear the bird chirping and wanted to play with them. What was it like out there? Was it all sunny and green like in the pictures I was shown in my wordless books? Was it warm like the over head lamps in the hot room they sometimes put me in? Did it smell the way it did like when the rain fell from the sky? What did rain feel like? What did it taste like? I was taught songs too. The ittsy bitsty spider was one of the first.

"But why does the spider keep going on? It will just rain again…"

"My dear boy the spider doesn't know that. He only wants to get where he's going."

"What do spiders look like?"

"Well they are small and have eight spindly legs."

"What is….spindly?"

"Thin and frail. Spiders are very fragile and they make little webs in the corner of damp dark places where they sit and wait for their food. Ah there's one now."

My eyes sat there watching a black spider crawl around on the beautiful little web making fancy designs and so proud of her work was she that she stood there in the middle as if to show it off. It ate flies, I was told, and so I caught one midair and this only delighted the doctor. I watched this spider bundle up this little gift and feast upon it. I felt bad for the fly but I supposed that things must die in order for other things to survive. It was sad really…I wondered if one day I would die too. I cried and he wiped my tears and sang to me but not in that way he normally did. My good doctor spoke three languages and only one I knew. I had begun to try to figure out the other one.

"There now. You are much too grown up to be crying. Goodness I cannot coddle you like an infant all the time."

"Doctor…one day I'd like to go outside. Can I one day, go out there like you sometimes do? Can I play in the rain and sunshine?"

"Perhaps one day my boy, but not today. The world isn't ready to see your special skills just yet."

"My special skills…?" I asked him, looking at my hands.

"That's right. You are a very special boy."

He always said that to me and I'm sure he said that to the others for at least one of them was a boy I think. Hard to know since they had no hair and wore the funny dress I did. We played more games through the day and colored and played but I still never got to go outside. I'm sure one day Doctor will take me outside with him and we can all play hopscotch or leapfrog or pick flowers. I'd like that. Once though I had overheard a conversation between the doctor and another person about number twelve. I was number twelve and I knew that so I listened closely.

"How long do you intend to keep this up?"

"Keep what up exactly, Doctor Freudman?"

"This charade between you and number twelve. You treat him like a child."

"He is a child."

"Be that as it may he is not your child and he is not just any child. You all but bottle feed him. You can't go on pretending like this with him. Drop this now."

"I'm not pretending anything I just-"

"You have grown soft to him and have forgotten the true essence of our mission. You know that if any of this goes awry you will have to execute him so it's best to just detach yourself like the rest of us."

"…Very well…but I'm more than certain nothing will happen."

I don't remember much after that except that I was given more shots, ran on an endless track with things attached to me, fed and put to bed. When I awoke and was brought to his room for what they called 'evaluation' I gazed at the spider who was so small she could crawl out and enjoy the feel of the grass on her tiny feet. I envied her but she was the only animal I knew outside of the occasional rat or bunny in the lab and so I loved her too. The doctor looked me up and down avoiding my eyes too much and gave me a lollipop telling me to be on my way.

"Doctor," I said before I left the room, "What does execute mean?"

"Where did you hear such a word?"

"I'm not sure… what does it mean? I know cute is what I am…and what the rabbit is….what does the Exe mean? Extra cute?"

"No no my b-number twelve. Execute: To carry out something."

"Oh…alright then! Thank you, Doctor."

I was still confused by what that meant then. They will carry me out? As in pick me up or lift me? Will they carry me out of here? Will I finally go outside? I joined my friends on the play area where we built towers of blocks. I shared my lolly with them and we talked softly about things. I told them that M. Spindly the spider had built a new web and that I was given extra shots today. It all seemed like a normal day until I hear this strange loud noise like a bird screaming. There were flashes of red light and people shuffling about sounding worried or panicked. My eyes looked upstairs where the noise was coming from. What was going on? Was the doctor in trouble? I heard a lot of yelling about burning the evidence and words I haven't heard but were sure they were bad ones. Then the doctor came in. I was sure he would explain it to us whatever all the fuss was about. If there was danger I was sure he would get us out of it. Then he pulled out a strange device I had never seen that made a loud pop. My friend number five went down to the ground and red liquid streamed out of his head. Blood. This was blood. He was dead just like the fly. Then number ten went down the same way. My heart hurt….I was scared…I was terrified….I was frightened. Doctor….Why….He turned his gun on me. He meant to kill me….and then I realized what Execute really meant. I was your special boy….Your special….

I can't exactly make out what I did next but I had to get out of there to save my own life. I would not die. Not here not like that! I was covered in blood from my friends from that man…that doctor who betrayed me. I ran I ran as fast as my legs could carry me Past all the dead people thinking I was their fly this whole time. I was their fly. I WAS THEIR FLY. I had reached an opening up above me and the air was cool. There were two people standing there, a tall man with shiny eyes and black clothes and a young boy who was dressed up very fancy. The boy stopped the man before he did anything and asked my name. My name? All I knew was that I was number twelve. He took my home with him. I was given a bath and new clothes. I had met new people. I was to live in this big house. I should have been happy…but I didn't trust him…what if he meant to harm me too? What if they all did? What if they meant to use me and then execute me? But my hair grew blonde and he said he liked it, he said it was nice and beautiful, and he gave me a name. Finnian. Then he gave me a book to read and a hat to wear, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a job I must do that was outside with flowers and trees and grass. My new master. My Ciel Phantomhive who was so small like I was. He knew me as not a number but an individual. He admired me and valued me. Mr. Sebastian who was so tall and smart taught me how to read and since then I have read the Finny book many many times though I always have trouble with some of the words. I had friends again but they were much older than I was. The clumsy maid who was so sweet and lovely, the chef who burned all the meals but was strong and handsome and funny, and the old butler who made me giggle and taught me how to control my strength more.

I could be happy here. I was happy here. Happy at last. I could go outside. I could grow things. I wasn't just some useless tool to be used. I meant something…I had a purpose! My strength which had been a curse now was a gift that I could use to protect my beloved master and my beloved home full of beloved people. I have thought about whether I would die again and whether I could kill again but I decided for this little boy with his serious face and pretty eyes blue like the sky I could do it. I would do it. He deserved that much after what he gave me and so for my master I will kill and for my master I will die.


End file.
